


wondering colors

by bbypsycho



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Depression, Eventual Smut, Harry Styles - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, Punk Harry Styles, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Shy Louis, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Universe Alteration, YOU WILL CRY IM SORRY, gets happy eventually, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-16 22:50:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5844040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbypsycho/pseuds/bbypsycho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles is fascinated by death. Every day he thinks of new ways he might die. every day he wonders if its he day that hes finally gonna let himself die but, every day he finds something to keep him alive and awake.</p><p>Louis Tomlinson is counting the days till graduation, when he can finally escape the small town he lives in and the aching grief he has about his sisters death.</p><p>DISCLAIMER:<br/>(dully based on the book All The Bright Places. same plot, different details.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Harry looked forward to coming to this tower every day. He looked forward to climbing the stairs to the top, stepping onto the edge and looking over his whole school. His school was pretty big, he liked to be bigger then it. He liked to feel bigger then all the people walking below, more intelligent, less arrogant. But, he wasnt. He's not bigger then anyone. He's not better then anyone and he knows that. he just liked to stand on the edge and close his eyes, thinking that maybe if the universe tilted just a little bit, he would have the courage to step off.

If he did that, he wouldn’t be that 'freaky kid' anymore. He could escape being the guy with all those tattoos, the guy that tried to swallow a bottle of pills last year, that guy who stands on that edge every day. The guy who's mom is dead and his dad is a drunky who doesn’t care about him. Harry didn’t have a bad attitude. Sure, he was a smart ass but he was as happy as a guy who wanted to die could be. They want him to jump, everyone in that school. He wanted to jump but he didn’t, just to spite them.

Maybe he could fly. He's never tried so how does he know that he cant? He needs to try. he will try, but not today because in the mist of his thoughts, he can hear something-- someone. Looking around the bell tower, he didn’t see anyone on the side he was on. He listened a bit more, confused. Crying, that’s what he heard. He sighed deeply and stepped back from his favorite spot on the edge, his hand going through his long curls as he walked around the large bell to the other side of the tower.

There was a backpack thrown on the floor. Harry looked up, and that’s when he saw him. A boy. Harry had seen him before, in the halls. Louis, that was his name. harry couldn’t remember his last name.

He was wearing jeans, dark blue, and a grey knit sweater. Harry couldn’t see his face, but he could hear him crying. He could see that Louis was gripping the bottom of his sweater, so tight. He was sniffling, letting out small cries like he was trying to stop crying. He was standing on the edge as well. Harry slowly walked closer, being able to see his face now. He seemed frozen, looking down at the pavement below. Harry didn’t want to scare him, make him lose his balance so he spoke slowly. 

"its worse if you look down" 

As soon as harry spoke those words, Louis' eyes closed. Other then that he had no reaction. "I come here a lot. This is my favorite place in the whole school. Not that I want you to leave but, you can step down from there" he said gently. 

The boy didn’t move, he had an emotionless look on his face, and he had stopped crying. "I know it’s a beautiful view. I myself find it rather intriguing a to just fly away into that view but today isn't the day for either of us" he said as he slowly reached his hand out. "im Harry styles. You have to shake my hand. Its impolite if you don’t" he said with the smile. That made the boy look over. His face was still blank but he turned a it, almost losing his balance, making both of them gasp a bit but as soon as Louis took his hand, harry pulled him down, off of the edge.

"there, that’s better now isn't it?" he smiled with his simples. Shaking Louis' hand properly. Louis pulled his hand away and looked at where he was previously standing, shaking his head. "oh my god" he breathed, harry could barely hear him. "I wasn’t gonna- I was just.." Louis started, trying ti find his words but harry shook his head. "sure. You were just enjoying the view, same as me" he said with a smile. 

Louis looked up at him and nodded. "yeah. It’s a lovely view" he whispered before pulling away completely. "I h-have to go. Please just.. Don’t tell anyone" Louis pleaded as he grabbed his back pack


	2. Chapter 2

Harry was never the kind to help others with their emotional problems. Emotions make him uncomfortable. He didn’t no how to comfort anyone, and every time he tried, it would be making some funny or sarcastic comment. He obviously didn’t deal with his own emotions right so there was no way he could help others with theirs. Some may say he was insensitive, and maybe he was. He didn’t cry when his mom died. He was too embarrassed to cry, even by himself. 

That was so long ago though. He wasn’t want to die because his mom is dead. That wasn’t he reason. 

He was called into the office the next day, lunch time. Probably to talk to his counselor who was oh so 'worried about his future'. Harry walked over to the office, he took a seat by Mr. Clarks door, knowing he'd call him in when he was ready for him. Harry knew Mr. Clark would want to talk about the bell tower. They have discussed it before. It wasn’t off limits to students, but harry was the only one to ever go up there -- until yesterday that is. He was sure everyone in that school knows him as that 'sad suicidal kid'. They couldn’t be more wrong, harry wasn’t sad. 

When a few minutes passed, he waved harry in, smiling as he took a seat at his desk. The man was taller then harry, wore a lot of cardigans, harry didn’t understand that. 

"what were you doing back up in that bell tower?" he asked and harry cracked a smile, his predictions being right. 

"I was enjoying the view" harry said with a smile. Hell of a lot better then saying 'I was planning on when I was actually gonna make the decision to plunge to my death'. 

"were you planning to jump?"

"not on pizza day, never on pizza day. Which is one of the better days of the week." he said, knowing Mr. clark loved his wit-- "this is not a joking matter Mr. styles" or not. 

"I need to know if you were planning to harm yourself again, its my job" he said. 'again;. Harry hated that word. Why was it anyone else's business? 

Harry shook his head. He didn’t need mr. clark calling his father and bothering his time on the couch, working hard to finish the bottle in his hand. 

"do I need to call your father?" he asked, and harry thought that maybe he's a psychic. Either that or he spends to much time in this office. 

"no, honestly no. I was just getting some work done up there. I like how quiet it is and I honestly like the view. I would never jump off the bell tower" harry told him. And that was the truth. If harry was every gonna make that choice, he'd do it in a more gracious way. Not liking the idea of his blood splattered everywhere. 

After another twenty minutes in Mr. clarks office, he was finally let go. He walked out and into the sea of people making their way down the halls. Four more months, harry thought. Four more months until he was out of there, graduated. 

"excuse me?" harry hears, snapping out of his thoughts and turning, having to look down to see whoever was talking to him, his lanky height being taller then most of the kids his age. 

Blue. That’s what he first saw. Blue eyes, cheeks that were tinted pink. A shy smile. He liked seeing blue, it was definitely a change from seeing black all the time. 

"why hello. We meet again" harry said as he looked at.. Louis? He still wasn’t sure of the boys name. harry thinks he's a junior. He didn’t have any classes with him and he only ever seen him around at lunch and in the halls. 

The boy gave a small nod and looked around before he looked down, clutching his folder to his chest before looking back up at harry. "um, my name is Louis" he starts, psychic, harry thinks. "I just wanted you to know that what happened yesterday-- it wasn’t what you think. I wasn’t thinking, I was never gonna.." he trailed off before sighing, looking around again. Maybe he doesn’t want to be seen with harry. Harry was used to it but honestly, Louis was just ashamed of how they met. Ashamed and embarrassed. 

Harry shook his head and shrugged. "its none of my business" he said. That’s the answer that he would have wanted if the situation was switched.

"that’s right. It isnt any of your business so I just--" harry stopped him mid sentence. "I didn’t tell anyone. You don’t have to prove yourself to me. Ive got better things to do then go run and tell on some kid who was having a bad day" harry snapped. It surprised him as well as Louis. 

The boy looked now and nodded, clutching the folder even tighter. "okay" he said before he turned around, basically running in the other direction. 

Harry didn’t know why he had gotten so defensive. He just didn’t like when people have a bad day and immediately think there's no other way but to end their lives. Of course harry is a hypocrite, but. He also knows that, that’s what he has to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really working on extending the chapters but id love some feed back. i know it isnt like normal fanfics, but its gonna be great once it gets started.

**Author's Note:**

> the chapters will start getting longer. this is more of an intro. sorry if it seems rushed. comments?


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